cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
