The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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