yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
