It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
