I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I got inside last night via doggy door
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
