Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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