he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I checked into jail on foursquare
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
