Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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