Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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