the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
