I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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