White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
