i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
