Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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