I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
