If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
