At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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