I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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