Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
