Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
