i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
