the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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