I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
