I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
