The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
