my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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