i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
