i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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