fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
