Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
