Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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