Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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