batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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