I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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