college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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