my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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