I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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