The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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