..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
