You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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