I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
