okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
