try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
