my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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