I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize