so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
