That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
