i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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