somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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