when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
