no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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