WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
