I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
