...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
