She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
